CaptivatingCuriosity

I Believe

I believe in being transparent. I believe in being the only thing I can be - me. I believe in knowledge, wisdom, understanding, and their pursuit. I believe in sharing these quests with others and do so very openly and honestly. Through my love for transparency, my quest for wisdom, and my desire to understand God, His Son, His Spirit, and the world around me, I hope to open my thoughts to others so that they may be challenged to grow too. I will always be Captivating Curiosity.

"Trust Me" - God

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

With all of the chaos going on in my life lately, mostly in my adventures into creating a non-profit, I've been contemplating my current and future steps. It has not been an easy journey and yet it has not been traveled in vain.

With the obvious struggles in our economy, it is no wonder that adequate funding sources are lacking right now for new ventures into the non-profit sector. No doubt, the moral support is abounding and the referrals are without lack and yet our struggles to stay afloat financially are a concern; not only for my own pocket book but those who have the program's best interest at hand.

However, I am encouraged when I hear from the county and schools how supportive they are of our ventures and yet I'm discouraged with the lack of financial support we are currently receiving. I am, however, very grateful for the past support in getting our organization off the ground.

However, without current and future funding, we will unfortunately be unable to maintain the level of programming that we currently have. And I, out of obvious necessity, must determine what my next steps may be.

So I venture off into the world to see what my options are, although fear is close behind me. Having trusted God with directing my life to where it is today, I am at a crossroads in which no clear direction is present.

"I don't want to fall out of your will, God. Please show me where you want to go". That has been my latest and most frequent prayer.

I've spent much time lately exploring my options. Venture into the secular realm, such as the county, or return to a former employer who has made me a very generous offer? What do I do?

With the multitude of options, I've come to realize that my exploring has not been in vain. Without expecting any response, I applied for a job at the county where it is very difficult to get an interview. Much to my shock, I was contacted for an interview only two short days after applying for a financially generous position with the local juvenile detention center. With anxiety and uncertainty close on my tail, I spent 4 days preparing myself for this huge opportunity. The day of the interview, I felt quite confident in my abilities and presentation. Although, as I sat in the waiting room, my anxiety level raised slightly. Gratefully, though, not enough to debilitate me. When I entered the room consisting of four male interviewers, my confidence level sored. After answering 9 fairly obvious and easy questions, I left that room feeling more confidence than I have felt in a long time.

It was then that I realized: It didn't matter if I got another interview for this job; it didn't matter if I said what they wanted to say; it didn't matter if i impressed them. What mattered is that I presented myself in the best way I knew possible, I was true to myself, and I was confident in my abilities. I was myself! I didn't try to impress anyone or sway them into hiring me. I was simply and most absolutely...me.

Not long after that meeting, I heard from a former employer that they wanted me to return. And with some very generous benefits. My confusion and uncertainty set in, once again. Three possible roads, not clear which road to travel down.

Regardless of the confusion and uncertainty of which road God desires me to travel down, I continue to learn more and more about myself. I continue to be developed into the woman that God created me to be. And if that is the only thing that I get out of this adventure, then I can be satisfied.

"Trust me".

I will, Lord.

I will trust you.

I will trust you to bring me down the path you have created for me.

I will trust you to show me who you created me to be.

Thank you, Jesus, for never giving up on me.

posted by tobepink @ 2:20 AM

1 Comments:

At October 7, 2008 at 7:59 AM, Unknown said…

Jaime...I'm proud of you and what you have accomplished...you're standing and knocking at three doors....He will open the right door...and life will be good...it will turn out just the way it's supposed to.

Love,
Aunt Deb